


When I am alone, I see you in the dark

by Gravityoverthegarden



Series: Songs to sing and fall in love to [2]
Category: Kingdom Keepers - Ridley Pearson
Genre: Alternate Universe - Canon Divergence, Entirely Self-Indulgent, Finn (Kingdom Keepers) has PTSD, Gen, M/M, Nightmares, Pre-Relationship - Relationship - Freeform, Singing, Social Media, strong language - because teens curse, tea - literal tea
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2018-08-15
Updated: 2018-08-15
Packaged: 2019-06-27 15:31:57
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 2
Words: 3,153
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/15688284
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Gravityoverthegarden/pseuds/Gravityoverthegarden
Summary: Finn has nightmares he can't remember and Philby has to make sure that Finn isn't going to die in his sleep.





	1. Chapter 1

**Author's Note:**

> Dillard's alive and a variation of the battle at the temple occurs, which fucked Finn up even more than just the regular Kingdom Keepers activities.

Philby sat at Finn's desk on his computer; he's tired and the only thing that was keeping him going at all was his tea. Philby had brought the Whitmans' electric kettle up into Finn's room because continuing to go up and down the stairs to refill his cup with hot water. Philby sighed as he checked the DHI servers once again to find nothing strange and took a gulp of his tea. He had been given the responsibility of watching over Finn as he slept because of unusual happenstances that have been occurring recently. It was 3 am and Philby was ready to log out and go to sleep; if anything was to happen, Philby would know. He's an insanely light sleeper when he has to be on the alert.

Philby moved to log out when he heard a thump against the wall. He turned around and saw Finn writhing on his bed, tangling up in his sheets and blanket.

"Finn, did you wake up?" He asked just to be sure but he didn't get a response aside from Finn aggressively tossing and turning. Philby checked the servers again to see nothing was wrong and then turned back around to watch Finn for just a bit more. Finn had hit the wall a few times and it wasn't until he had almost hit his head against the edge of the nightstand when Philby realized that he wasn't waking up. He stood up and then pinned Finn's shoulders to his bed that so he couldn't put himself at further risk. Finn was mumbling but Philby couldn't make what it was out.

"Finn," he said quietly as to not alert Finn's family, "wake up!" Philby shook him but it didn't do anything. He eyed his cup of tea that sat next to his computer but dismissed the idea because he'd rather not waste it.

"C'mon Finn!" he said a bit louder; Finn whipped his head. "Wake up!" He did not.

Finn said a word louder than the rest of unintelligible gibberish but Philby still couldn't figure out what he said. Finn repeated himself, more clearly but still slurred, "Dillard." He sounded desperate and his face contorted. Philby knew instantly of what he was dreaming of and it wasn't good at all.

"Finn, it's just a nightmare; wake up!" Philby was still unsure as to why Finn could have such haphazard nightmare and not remember them at all. Philby continued to scan the room to think of ways to wake him up. He started to softly sing "This is Home" by Cavetown in a hope that it will get through to his subconscious and calm down a bit. The song's a little sad but Philby likes to listen to it when he gets down. It feels reaffirming or something to Philby, even though he doesn't quite know why.

Finn's mumbling slowed to a few mumbles every few seconds and he seemed to stop moving as much. Both of which are very good signs to Philby.

"Get a load of this monster/

He doesn't know how to communicate.

His mind is in a different place/

Will everybody please -" "Philby," Finn interrupted and ended the song right then; he sounded as if he was in physical pain. His eyes were squeezed shut and his head was facing the wall.

"Finn, it's okay; you're okay," Philby said gently.

"Philby-"

"I'm right here."

"Philby!" Finn cried out and left Philby astonished. He could never have imagined Finn having a nightmare about _him_ ; he understood because of that, but Philby? If there was any Keeper Finn wouldn't be too sad about losing, it would be Philby.

"Finn, wake up!" Philby started to lightly slap Finn's cheek, not enough to hurt but enough to definitely annoy.

"Philby," Finn said, breathy and broken. Philby decided he wouldn't wake up lying on his bed, so he dragged him off onto the bed, which promptly woke Finn up.

"Should've just done that," Philby mumbled. Finn rolled out of the comforter Philby had dragged down with Finn. He tried to stand up but fell right back down. His eyes wide and glassy. He stared right through Philby.

"I failed him; I failed him; I failed them; I failed both of them; I failed -" Finn repeated, horrified.

Philby sat down on the floor in Finn's line of sight, "Finn. Finn, it's okay; everything's okay. It was just a nightmare. You can relax."

Finn continued to repeat himself.

"Do you want me to sing?" The question felt odd coming out of his mouth; it's been maybe two weeks since Finn into him singing and he hoped that it'd never mention. "I can sing if you want me too?" Finn didn't respond, but Philby sang anyway.

'Muscle Memory' from Lights isn't the happiest of songs but that's a common theme connecting most of the songs that he's memorized.

"You call and I respond, the sparrow and the song/

I miss you when you're gone/

When I am alone, I see you in the dark/

I talk into the empty like you were with me/

Started on a cold night, felt you in the low light/

Noticing a reflex taking over me/

I see you, and I reach/

Muscle memory."

He watched as Finn slowed his words and his breathing. His eyes were still wide and giving a glassy stare but color returned to his face.

"When I feel the chains of a thousand words/

And I speak your name like I know you heard/

I can feel you there, I can hear you move and it moves me too."

"Philby," Finn exhaled and then stopped talking. His eyes weren't wide or glassy but he seemed to be in pain. Philby pushed through the song till the end, "Noticing a reflex taking over me/

I see and I reach/

Muscle memory/

I feel you endlessly/

Muscle memory." Philby allowed a minute of silence as Finn tried to calm himself down further.

"Finn?" Philby said, "You there?"

"Uh?" Finn looked up to make eye contact. "Yeah. Yeah, now I am."

Philby's shoulders lost their tension, "That's good. You remember anything?"

Finn crinkled his face in concentration before it fell, "No, sorry."

"Don't be." Finn stayed silent as Finn seemed to process everything.

Finn spoke after a few minutes, "You should go to sleep."

"You don't want to go back -"

"No, I'm good," Finn interrupted. "You sleep and see if my bed's bugged or something." The reasoning made no sense but Philby wasn't going to call him out for it after that display.

"You sure? I can stay awake with you."

"I'm good; don't worry."

"Really?"

"Yeah."

Philby contemplated for a moment; he knew he shouldn't let Finn stay up by himself but also, sleep sounds really nice.

"Okay, give me a minute." Philby stood up and grabbed his now cold cup of tea and downed it in one go before logging out of the DHI servers. He then sat down on Finn's bed where he looked at Finn sitting on the floor with his back to his desk and looking down at his hands.

"If-" Philby paused because he had to grace himself for how awkward he was going to sound. "If you want to try to sleep, you can jump in whenever."

Finn didn't say anything and Philby laid down. It didn't take him long to fall asleep.

* * *

Philby felt something warm get into the bed and in his barely even awake state thought it was just his cat, Elvis, even though he was not at home.

* * *

Philby woke up due to the excessive amount of sunshine on his face. He stirred and became aware of an entity that definitely wasn't Elvis. He cracked an eye open and saw Finn snoozing comfortably pressed against Philby; his head under Philby's chin.

It was nice if Philby was being honest to only himself; if anyone asked it just two bros sharing a bed.

Philby didn't feel like waking Finn up, so he tucked his head in to get out of the direct sunlight and went back to sleep, ignoring the feeling of Finn's hair against his face.


	2. Chapter 2

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Aftermath and Kingdom Keeper meeting about Finn.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Also I do not have a beta reader.

Philby woke up again later that same day and instead of falling asleep again because Finn was still asleep, he reached over him to grab Finn's phone off of the nightstand. He clicked the home button and his eyes widened; he shook Finn awake, who was not happy at all about being ripped from the first good night's sleep he's had in a while. But Finn slightly woke up when he told him that the rest of the Keepers were coming over soon.

He rolled out of the bed and was stumbling to his dresser to pick something to wear before Philby got out of bed, also groggy by much more awake. Finn left as soon as Philby opened his mouth to ask him something. Philby pouted but took the opportunity to change while he was out of the room.

* * *

Philby sat in the desk chair and played on his phone as he waited for Finn to get out of the shower, he assumes he took a shower because if Finn went down to eat without telling him, Philby would be mad.

Someone pounded on the door and scared the shit out of him.

"Finn, Philby open the door!" Charlene demanded, followed by more door pounding. Philby got up, feeling not rushed, just a bit annoyed, and he opened the door where he was greeted with Charlene raising her fist, but thankfully not hitting him in the face.

Charlene, Maybeck, and Dillard stood on the other side of the door. Dillard had glitter in his hair; a very glittery highlight; and holographic clothing. Charlene and Maybeck had some holo in their clothes to but were more subtle. They must've had a photoshoot for Charlene's and Maybeck's Instagrams. They loved using Dillard as a model because they could do anything to him and he wouldn't complain, unlike the other Keepers, except for Willa but she isn't always willing to go the absolute extreme like Dillard. Philby remembers once they were at the Magic Kingdom before opening because the Keepers had a gig and they invited Dillard, Amanda, and Jess, and Charlene suggested that one of the Keepers climb the carousal that so she could take a picture for his Instagram; Dillard thought the idea was amazing and scaled the carousel and sat on the roof until Charlene got the shot she needed. He is as dedicated to the 'gram as Charlene and Maybeck who both go unnecessarily hard.

"Well hello to you too," Philby said, trying his best to not look shaken in any way towards the threatening fist.

"You didn't respond to our texts," Maybeck said simply, one of his hands on his hip.

"I don't have my phone," Philby said; his phone clearly visible. He cringed inwardly; he should've gone for the "my phone died," but it's too late now.

Charlene and Maybeck rolled their eyes in sync. Dillard just looked bored and swayed in place; his outfit shifting through a rainbow gradient as light reflected off his outfit.

"How long have you been up?" Charlene asked

"Like 15 minutes. Finn's in the shower."

Charlene Always-Wakes-Up-Before-Nine-In-The-Morning Turner gaped, "It's three in the afternoon!"

"You caught us there." Philby pointed at her.

"So you both slept?" Dillard piped up, finally interested.

"Yeah, there -, this can wait until everyone gets here."

"Mrs. Whitman is making sweet tea and lemonade and she's probably expecting us to be in the backyard." Dillard changed the subject without question.

"And cookies?" Philby asked hopefully; Mrs. Whitman's cookies are the best.

"Most likely."

A door opened down the hall and they all looked to see Finn, who appeared much more awake and not stumbling anymore. He paused when he saw four people staring at him.

"What?" Finn asked. His hair was limp from no product and he was wearing a basic graphic tee and probably what is his most baggy pair of jeans he owns.

"Good shower?" Maybeck asked.

"Yes?" Finn was audibly confused.

"Good." Philby didn't try to decipher why Maybeck said any of that.

Finn looked at Philby, puzzled, and Philby simply shrugged. He walked over to them.

"Oh, uh yeah," Finn said as he remembered something. "Philbs, you hungry?"

Philby chose to ignore Charlene mouthing, "Philbs?" to Maybeck.

"Starving," Philby responded.

 

***

Finn and Philby situated themselves at the bar that splits the dining room and the kitchen with large bowls of cereal. Dillard, Maybeck, and Charlene were out in the backyard with Willa, who had arrived just as Finn and Philby started to eat; they were just waiting for Jess and Amanda then.

"So," Philby started after a few minutes of quietly eating; Finn hummed for him to continue. "Did you sleep well?"

"Yeah, I did," Finn paused but Philby took it as an end of the discussion and shoved a large spoonful of Cheerios into his mouth. "Sorry for… that." Finn turned his head a bit to the side sheepishly.

Philby looked at him a bit puzzled. He swallowed harshly his cereal before asking, "Sorry about what?"

"You know… that."

"Spooning?"

Finn quickly turned his attention back to his cereal. "Yeah…"

Philby's mind tried to connect the pieces over why Finn would be so sheepish but there was still a missing piece.

"You… don't… have to be?"

Finn side-eyed him. "I- it's just, we're-"

"Oh!" Philby exclaimed. "That shit; who gives a fuck? We're friends and friends can cuddle without it being gay." Philby just doesn't usually cuddle or touch people for longer than a second.

"So, we're good?"

"Yeah, don't worry about it, like seriously; it's a load of bull crap."

"Uh, yeah. Okay."

They continued to eat their cereal in less awkward silence.

***

Amanda and Jess showed up fashionably late an hour later but by then Charlene, Dillard, Finn, Maybeck, Philby, and Willa were already situated and drinking sweet tea or lemonade; a plate piled high with cookies sat on the glass outside dining table. Finn and Dillard shared a swinging bench and everyone else had the dining chairs.

"So, did you figure what's up?" Amanda asked with an implied, "with Finn," and then she took a sip of her lemonade.

"Maybe," Philby said and then scrunched his face in both frustration and puzzlement. "But it doesn’t seem like a regular nightmare."

"How so?" Willa questioned. Finn sat close to Dillard and sipped his sweet tea silently, leaving this all to Philby.

"I would assume more people would wake up if they were slammed into the wall like five times," Philby deadpanned.

"Unless they were drugged," Jess added unhelpfully.

"Demon possession," Maybeck suggested.

"The only thing I'm possessed with is ove-" Finn hacked out a cough before he could finish what he was going to say.

"You good there, bud?" Dillard asked. Finn turned to look up at him.

"Dandy," he said seriously, "Don't worry about it."

Dillard raised an eyebrow and puckered out his bottom lip. "C'mon, tell me."

"Nah, I'm good," Finn said, looking away and taking a long sip of his sweet tea.

"One word," Dillard took a long sip of his sweet tea and Finn turned back to look at him. "Bitch."

"Lil' shit."

"Let live and die." Which earned a few snickers.

"That's not how that saying goes."

"You sure?" Dillard raised an eyebrow.

"Absolutely."

"Then perish."

"Fuck off." Finn shoved Dillard's head as his best friend laughed and Finn couldn't help but start laughing as well.

"So," Charlene said pointed as to try to get some semblance of order that so they could finish the official part of the meeting that so they could have some fun. "What do you think is keeping him from waking up?"

"The Overtakers got another server?" Amanda suggested.

"No." Philby slightly slumped into his chair.

"I would say sleep paralysis but it doesn’t sound exactly right," Jess said.

"Ma…gic?" Dillard suggested.

"Whose magic?" Willa asked, mainly just to put the question out there.

"Tia Dalma?" Maybeck suggested. "Maleficent?"

Finn's face went sour.

"Finn, how long has these nightmares been going on?" Amanda asked. "I know you told us but remind me."

Finn slide down on the bench against Dillard. "A few months."

"Since after the cruise?"

"Yes."

"I already scolded you for not telling us, so I'm not going to say anything. But, remember, I'm disappointed." Amanda gave him a look that Finn's dad would be proud of.

"Do we reverse it?" Jess asked.

"'Can we reverse' it is a better question," Charlene said.

"I don't think it can," Philby said.

"Everything can be reversed," Willa interjected.

"Incorrect," Maybeck said.

"Er, it's hard to reverse something you don't know," Amanda said.

"Has this been something occurring every night, Finn?" Jess asked, ignoring the previous tangent.

"I don't think so," Finn pushed himself up and Dillard put an arm around his shoulders. Philby caught himself staring and quickly looked away.

"Should we see if there's a pattern?" Charlene suggested.

"It makes sense too," Willa said.

"I can stay over," Philby volunteered.

"You stayed over last night; someone else can stay tonight," Amanda said.

"If Philby wants to stay again, he can," Finn said. His face blank from emotion.

"I mean if that's okay with you," Philby said, passing off as nonchalant. Everyone, except the two, shared looks; they never really would've imagined this happening from the number of times they've nearly bitten each other's heads off.

"So there's nothing else that we can do?" Jess asked as the resulting silence became too heavy.

"Nothing but to observe now," Willa said and the Keepers fell into an even longer silence sipping their drinks and eating cookies.

Maybeck suddenly patted his lap after five or ten minutes, "Alright, so I have an idea for an art video and it involves everyone."

"But we're not at Crazy Glaze," Willa stated. Maybeck's video for his Youtube channel and most of the time on the Keeper's channel that they have together were usually set at Crazy Glaze, even if they weren't art oriented .

"It's something to do outside and we don't have a backyard."

"Are you including Amanda, Dillard, and I in that 'everyone'?" Jess asked.

"No, you are all on lighting, sound, and camera," Maybeck said sarcastically, even though Dillard usually produces their collab channel videos, "Yeah, I mean you three."

"I'll do all of that," Philby said.

"You're sure as hell setting up, but you're still in the video."

Philby groaned; he hates when Maybeck drags him into art videos because he sucks at art.

"Why are you so kind today, Terry?" Jess asked. Maybeck flipped her off and she simply laughed, "I'm down for whatever."

"Did you bring the stuff" Willa asked.

"He brought so much stuff that it's not even funny," Charlene said and Dillard hummed in agreement.

"Then let’s do it," Willa said.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I really love the idea of the Keepers and being on their A-game with their social media presence, except for Finn. I have a growing amount of headcanons about it. Also I have a current wip that is just Finn and Philby creating a video; it's mostly dialogue at the moment and I'm restricted a bit by what I can do, so I'm not entirely sure I'll keep it or if after I finish writing the draft, I'll rewrite it and then post it. Who knows?
> 
> edit 5/24/19: that wip? Canceled. Kind of. The stories I post after this will exist in a similar manner but not in the same style. Aka songfics aren't going to be prevalent because I don't like writing them.

**Author's Note:**

> I'll probably end up writing Finn and his PTSD after I learn a bit more that that so I can write a good portrayal of it, although I have a wip that I don't know how to continue with/have the Dark Passage on me because there's a quote (my favorite quote of the entire series) that I have to remember otherwise I won't get anywhere.
> 
> Until then, I have plenty of ideas including many wips that need to be written onto my computer before they're good to go. Also, this wasn't originally two chapters but I realized that in a part later posted that I need some background to it.


End file.
